The last thing I remember before surgery was seeing my breast surgeon, Dr. Killelea, reminding me everything would be ok and knowing my concern for removing lymph nodes and that she would remove as little as needed. 11 hours later I was waking up. I remember it being so loud but my mom was right there for me. Surgery sure was long but went very well. The Doctor's were very happy with the results. The pain was intense but I had my morphine button and I wasn't shy to use it, :). Just moving an inch hurt. The first night I hardly slept. Every 30 minutes a nurse had to check on me; one to check my incisions and one to check my vitals so I had lots of company.
Every morning about 6:30AM, I had a group of about 10 people come in to check on me. Most of them just stood around starring at me with nothing to say and I just felt like an experiment for them to learn from.
The next morning my sister and my brother-in-law were my first visitors which were a great surprise and it made me happy to see them. I still had my button so I was still talking a bunch of nonsense. This was the morning they took my button from me, :(. This is also the morning they removed the catheter so I could try to pee on my own. I couldn't pee if you paid me a million dollars. My bladder was lazy and sleeping and in no way waking up. Since I was in the bathroom though I decided to brush my teeth which felt AMAZING but this is also the first time I had gotten out of bed and had a chance to look at myself. As I write this, I can still remember exactly how I felt at that exact moment. Of course the doctors explained to me what they would be doing during surgery but to hear it and to experience it, TOTALLY different. I looked in the mirror and saw how cut up I was with 7 drains hanging off my body and I just felt hideous. My first thought was “how could my husband still think I’m beautiful!?” I know with time I will heal and I won’t always look like this and the scars will be hardly noticeable but right now I felt ugly and in no way sexy. I was alone and had a good hard cry hoping no one would hear me. I didn't want anyone feeling bad for me at least any worse than they already did. I washed my face with warm water, pulled myself together and asked the nurse to help me back to bed. That was the moment I had my first meltdown. As I laid back down in bed I started crying. I tried to control it but the tears just poured out. Everyone thought I was crying because I couldn't pee, lol. I could hear the nurse mumbling it was completely normal that I couldn't pee yet but I already knew that. I had this same problem with my lung biopsy surgery. At first I let everyone think that was why I was crying, because I couldn't pee, lol. But the more they told me it was ok, the more it annoyed me. I told my husband it had nothing to do with not being able to pee but because I finally looked in the mirror for the first time and what I saw was scary. I know I had just been through extensive surgery and that made me sadder, that I had to go through that surgery and have to feel the way I was feeling. But I only let the sadness have that little bit of my time and then pulled me back to me, a fighter.
The next night without my button was so much different. The pain was excruciating. I had to keep calling the nurses station to remind my nurse it was time for my pain meds which was already 30 minutes after waiting for the nurse to come, sometimes we had to call twice. Then the nurse would finally come an hour later. I was getting further and further behind with my pain meds making it impossible to catch up with the pain. I cried so many times that night and was so thankful I spoke with my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon’s assistant first thing the next morning. They were just as unhappy about the situation as I was and assured me they would fix me right away. My day/afternoon nurse Liz was wonderful. She caught me up on my pain meds, “bathed” me and took me for walks around the hall. Then I had Abby, my afternoon/evening nurse, who was wonderful too taking good care of me. And for my evening/night nurse, they made sure I had someone different than nurse from the 2 nights before. Kendall was just as wonderful as Liz and Abby. They took good care of me for the remainder of my stay.
Saturday I had more visitors. My Kimmy came to visit me and we took a walk around my floor. My brother Michael and my nephew Michael came to visit me; also my Uncle Paulie, Cousin Mark and Shelley. It was nice to break up the day with new people to talk to.
Besides the obvious pain from such extensive surgery, I was doing pretty well and the Doctor’s were still happy with how I was healing. The only problem I was having was peeing. My bladder was still being lazy.
Finally Sunday came, and I was being released. YAY…going home!!
Every morning about 6:30AM, I had a group of about 10 people come in to check on me. Most of them just stood around starring at me with nothing to say and I just felt like an experiment for them to learn from.
The next morning my sister and my brother-in-law were my first visitors which were a great surprise and it made me happy to see them. I still had my button so I was still talking a bunch of nonsense. This was the morning they took my button from me, :(. This is also the morning they removed the catheter so I could try to pee on my own. I couldn't pee if you paid me a million dollars. My bladder was lazy and sleeping and in no way waking up. Since I was in the bathroom though I decided to brush my teeth which felt AMAZING but this is also the first time I had gotten out of bed and had a chance to look at myself. As I write this, I can still remember exactly how I felt at that exact moment. Of course the doctors explained to me what they would be doing during surgery but to hear it and to experience it, TOTALLY different. I looked in the mirror and saw how cut up I was with 7 drains hanging off my body and I just felt hideous. My first thought was “how could my husband still think I’m beautiful!?” I know with time I will heal and I won’t always look like this and the scars will be hardly noticeable but right now I felt ugly and in no way sexy. I was alone and had a good hard cry hoping no one would hear me. I didn't want anyone feeling bad for me at least any worse than they already did. I washed my face with warm water, pulled myself together and asked the nurse to help me back to bed. That was the moment I had my first meltdown. As I laid back down in bed I started crying. I tried to control it but the tears just poured out. Everyone thought I was crying because I couldn't pee, lol. I could hear the nurse mumbling it was completely normal that I couldn't pee yet but I already knew that. I had this same problem with my lung biopsy surgery. At first I let everyone think that was why I was crying, because I couldn't pee, lol. But the more they told me it was ok, the more it annoyed me. I told my husband it had nothing to do with not being able to pee but because I finally looked in the mirror for the first time and what I saw was scary. I know I had just been through extensive surgery and that made me sadder, that I had to go through that surgery and have to feel the way I was feeling. But I only let the sadness have that little bit of my time and then pulled me back to me, a fighter.
The next night without my button was so much different. The pain was excruciating. I had to keep calling the nurses station to remind my nurse it was time for my pain meds which was already 30 minutes after waiting for the nurse to come, sometimes we had to call twice. Then the nurse would finally come an hour later. I was getting further and further behind with my pain meds making it impossible to catch up with the pain. I cried so many times that night and was so thankful I spoke with my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon’s assistant first thing the next morning. They were just as unhappy about the situation as I was and assured me they would fix me right away. My day/afternoon nurse Liz was wonderful. She caught me up on my pain meds, “bathed” me and took me for walks around the hall. Then I had Abby, my afternoon/evening nurse, who was wonderful too taking good care of me. And for my evening/night nurse, they made sure I had someone different than nurse from the 2 nights before. Kendall was just as wonderful as Liz and Abby. They took good care of me for the remainder of my stay.
Saturday I had more visitors. My Kimmy came to visit me and we took a walk around my floor. My brother Michael and my nephew Michael came to visit me; also my Uncle Paulie, Cousin Mark and Shelley. It was nice to break up the day with new people to talk to.
Besides the obvious pain from such extensive surgery, I was doing pretty well and the Doctor’s were still happy with how I was healing. The only problem I was having was peeing. My bladder was still being lazy.
Finally Sunday came, and I was being released. YAY…going home!!