I had already made the decision to remove my ovaries but during my visit to my gynecologist we discussed a full hysterectomy since she would already be in there and recovery still sucks just the same. So I said, take it. If I don't have my ovaries, I don't need my uterus and I sure don't want to do this surgery twice in case I need to remove my uterus down the road.
As I processed more about the appointment a couple hours later and the decision I just made, I started to think, "why does it feel so bad to be a woman?" Since April of 2014, being a woman just keeps taking from me. My breasts and the diep flap which led to self-conscious issues with all the scars I have and now all my internal organs that make me a woman will be removed. How can being a woman feel so bad!
Ya ya everyone can say "it's ok, you don't need them. You'll be fine without them." It's not the point. It's so not the point. And I know I'm not the first to go through this so my heart goes out to all the women who have had to and will have to make this life choice because of cancer. I never wanted children and I can't imagine how much harder it is if I wanted children. But even though I don't, I want the choice to want or not want children, not cancer to make that choice for me.
Rant over ... anyway, a full hysterectomy surgery is scheduled for Saturday which sounded so simple because it's an outpatient surgery until I met my gynecologist. There's nothing simple. Well it's much more simple than the double mastectomy with a diep flap and lymphnode removal surgery I had in November 2014 but still not simple. Recovery is 6 weeks with no lifting anything over 8lbs. Being an extremely independent woman, basically living on my own for almost 20 years (with a few roommates in between), who HATES asking for help...this is a problem!!!!! This bothers me more than whatever menopause symptoms I will have.
And as usual, everything happens at once. I am trying to sell my house, pack it up, move out, have surgery and start chemo all within the same 6 weeks, lol. When it rains it fucking thunder snows!!!
Please continue to keep me in your prayers and send me positive thoughts and vibes. I need a fast recovery.
Can't stop, won't stop...GoTeamLisa!